Love, Tears & Autism by Cecily Paterson.

Cecily Paterson had struggled for many years to conceive her second child, so when she found out she was pregnant she was delighted. Cameron was a wonderful baby, sleeping well and very settled.

However, as he developed she became increasingly concerned about the way he seemed to lag behind other small children. He was slow in developing language, and seemed to avoid eye contact, was obsessed with buttons, and threw terrible tantrums unpredictably.

Finally, she became concerned enough to pursue a diagnosis, and was shocked to discover that he had both Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

A few weeks earlier, Cecily had been wondering and praying about the way God might use her, and she felt God say that he wanted to teach her how to love. Little could she imagine then that God’s way of teaching her how to love was through the experience of caring for her autistic child.

Love, Tears & Autism is the story of Cecily’s journey with Cameron, from heartbreak to hope.

As well as a moving story of her struggle and grief, passion and advocacy, faith and activism; this is a resource book for those in contact with autistic children. It provides advice, ideas, websites, as well as suggestions for parents, siblings, family and friends.

There are also excursions into faith issues, pursuing a more holistic theology of healing and grief.

Cecily makes herself very vulnerable in this book. She admits to anger, pride and despair. She is honest about the impact of the diagnosis and aftermath on her marriage, and on her treatment of their other two children: Jasmine and Max.

This is not a perfect book. I really wanted to see a photo of Cameron and his family. Also, the placement of Endorsements, Dedication, Acknowledgements, a Foreword and an Introduction before the story begins, makes it tough to get into the book.

It would be easy to see Love, Tears & Autism as only applicable to those families with direct contact with the 1 in 160 children born with ASD. With that level of prevalence, we are likely to come across a family in our social circles or school or church circles. So, it has wider application. It helps us to briefly enter the lives of any family who has a child who needs special care.

There is an extremely useful section detailing what an autistic child needs, including time, space and understanding; and calm conversation which invites, but doesn’t require a response.

It also outlines what the parent of an autistic child needs, including friends who will listen to their struggles without having to say something that makes it all okay; and the occasional night or afternoon off.

Importantly, there is some helpful advice for churches:

• Ask parents what they need, and find a way to meet that need
• Roster on or pay for a helper during Sunday School
• Pray regularly for healing for the child, and strength for the family
• Be aware of the stages of grief, and mindful of signs of depression
• Support the siblings.

One of the most moving sections of the book was a letter from a friend (“your broken-hearted sister”) written at a time when Cecily went through a dark time with God over unanswered prayers for healing:

Here’s some tough love: you (and I) don’t know all the answers… You’ve spent months alone in pain, your heart is angry, you feel God is unjust and absent, and you’re soldiering on ministering to other souls in His name… And yet it’s times like this that shake us into knowing the real God. The one who doesn’t direct His plan according to our desires… I am praying that in your questioning, grief and anger you would be drawn to the cross where the deepest pain: ‘My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?’ is your cause for greatest joy.

That is the sort of friendship we need to show to anyone caring for a child with needs.