Rachel, mother of three and wife of a federal agent currently stationed overseas, is discovering over the past weeks that coping without a husband is doing wonders for her prayer life.
The kids and I have been sick.
Not deathly ill sick, just a runny nose, can't stop it dripping sick. We had the usual sore throats, sneezing and this horrid runny nose. My nose was so bad that I didn't leave the house for three days as I couldn't move without having a tissue wedged to catch the drips. I felt foul and so did the boys. For most of the week we were juggling sick days and having conversations like "No, you can't stay home today, your brother has to, and you stayed home yesterday," and "Pass the tissues over before your brother sneezes all over his dinner - oops too late," and the like.
During this time all activities were cancelled and we were confined to barracks. Luckily for us, Nanna lives close enough to be called on in an emergency. She came over on Monday morning to discover a few of us looking very sad and sorry for ourselves and immediately asked how she could help. My mother-in-law is great, always there to help, never laughing at our rumpled pyjamas and unwashed hair" Anyway, I mentioned that we were running out of food and that I had planned to do my grocery shopping. A flicker of alarm went over her face. Since it is just her and father-in-law at home now, grocery shopping consists of a few items in a basket, a couple of times a week. My grocery shopping is vastly different and involves huge trolleys, multiple quantities of bread, milk, fruit and vege to last a fortnight, from a few different stores; and over a couple of hours. My foggy brain registered her distress and I marshalled my thoughts and wrote a list of essentials to get us through the next few days.
By Thursday I was sick of being sick and had run out of patience and empathy. "We are well now," I announced to the boys. The boys were nearly at full health, but I wasn't really. It's just that when you are solo parenting, you can have as many sick days as you like but there is no one to pick up the slack for you. As the parent you still need to wash and clean and find food and answer the myriad of notes that come home from school. So Thursday we were ‘better’ and life had to resume whether we were ready or not.
During this time I was able to reflect on a few things and came to a few comforting conclusions. The first is that I missed my husband. This may be obvious to others, but solo parenting for long periods means that by necessity you have to rely on yourself. There had been a lurking thought in the back of my mind that I didn't really need him, we were travelling fine and how on earth was I going to cope when he did finally come home? Well, much to my relief, while I was sick I realised that having another pair of hands around lightens the burden of responsibility. And let's face it, who doesn't want someone to say to you "It's alright love, I'll get up and get the kids off to school, you stay in bed"!?
The second lesson was that I was pleased that I was organised. Being organised with the house doesn't come naturally for me. Oh, I can organise myself to get from A to B; I can organise the kids as well. But to be organised with ALL the responsibility of the house - lawns, bills and kids - well, most of the time I feel like I'm treading water and occasionally going under. However, while I was sick I realised that there were meals in the freezer already cooked, the washing was under control, the house relatively clean and things running smoothly. For the house to remain in some kind of order while we were sick, pointed to being organised before we were sick.
Thirdly, I was again grateful for my mother-in-law and her willingness to come and help out at the drop of a hat. She ventured into our germ-ridden home with no thought to her own health. (She caught the cold, but recovered in just a few days, before I did actually).
Finally, I learnt that even though I may be physically unwell and feeling far away from Mark, God is always there and even more than that He is in control. I think that often I get very complacent about that aspect of my relationship with God. I can say, "Oh yes, God is in control," but until you are forced to depend on Him it isn't really real. While we were sick I was very aware that God was holding us close to Him, encouraging me to rest in His strength and to take comfort in His presence. It would have been great to have Mark back to look after us, but I was content in the knowledge that God was with me through every nose blow.
Check Insight for more of Rachel’s honest musings on giving God His place in the life of a busy suburban house-mum in weeks to come
