As I write this my friend John is dying. His wife rang this morning. John has been struggling with cancer for two years. The doctors say he now has only days left. John is not a believer, but he asked to see me. I managed to get to the hospital late this afternoon. We talked and we cried together.

I’ve seen a lot of death and have had the difficult privilege of being alongside many people in grief. This was different. I wasn’t just with John and Sarah in their grief. I was grieving with my friends. My professional training and experience helped me to be with them and not be afraid of intense emotion, but I was aware of a lack of objectivity because of my own process of grieving for my friend. I wondered if there were things I was missing, so I asked the hospital Chaplain to see them as well.

While no one can draw alongside person who is dying and not feel some grief themselves without keeping any real sense of humanity, the objectivity a Chaplain brings helps those who are grieving through the process. Intense grief focuses one’s world onto just one thing. It’s next to impossible to think about anything else.

I thought about all those Christians who have a close friend or family member who is dying but who does not know the Lord and I reflected on how difficult it is with the intense mix of grief to share the gospel. I am really pleased that the Chaplain has been able to visit my friend. While being touched by a group of people in grief, he brings less emotional involvement and is able to give us some anchor in this awful situation.

How do you talk to a loved one about their eternal situation in the midst of all this grief? I sat with John wanting to tell him to put his trust in Jesus. I realised I could be so insensitive that he could become angry and not want to hear another word. I want to keep the doors open as long as possible.

Unlike Katherine who I talked about in my last blog, John was not asking, “What do I need to do to be saved?” But I did venture a question about whether or not he thought he was ready to meet his Maker. He said he was not at that point yet, needing to make peace with God. I thought, “You can’t get much closer, mate.” Maybe I should have said that to him. But I also know God is sovereign and while I keep praying for my friend and for God to open up ways for John to respond to God’s grace in Christ I am really happy that the hospital Chaplain is also there to be another voice sounding in this wilderness of grief.