A friend of mine said recently that there are a lot of anxious Christian parents about. They are very conscientious parents who love their kids and want to raise their children to be Christian.
It's hard isn't it, not to worry about your children and yet we are told to 'have no anxiety about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let our requests be made known to God'. (Phil 4:6)
I am a bit of a worry wort. If my children were ever home late or even when they were just out enjoying themselves - in my worst moments, I was sure they'd be lying on the side of the road beaten to a pulp by some gang. "Take a chill pill mum" they used to say.
I think it's hereditary. My mum used to worry if she didn't have something to worry about.
Anxiety about our children is normal and natural. The Gospel of Luke records an incident in Jesus' youth when he went missing for three days during a visit to Jerusalem with his mother and adoptive father. When Mary and Joseph eventually found him in the Temple courts speaking with the teachers there, Mary said to him:
"Son, why have you treated us this way? Behold your father and I have been anxiously looking for you."
There are three things I would like to say about being anxious about your children.
1. Pray for your kids
The first is that scripture tells us to be anxious for nothing, so my advice is to pray for your children - a lot! It is amazing how prayer gets the issue out there. Even as you say the words to God there can be a release of the burden of anxiety you feel for a teenager. You know that God knows and while you have set boundaries around their behaviour, and you are letting them go, you can commit them into the care of a loving Father when you are not physically present. I think 16 year-olds are a real test. They want so much freedom and most don't have the maturity to handle the freedom they want so it's a balancing act between giving them some freedom with appropriate checks, balances and safety precautions and managing your anxiety when they are out and about.
2. Don’t overreact
The second is to be aware of your levels of anxiety and how that anxiety impacts your child. Part of parenting an adolescent is allowing them increasing amounts of freedom and responsibility. Don't be so restrictive and overprotective because of your own anxiety levels that you do not allow them to take some calculated risks, experience the rough and tumble of life and the fact that life is not always fair. They will learn more from some failures and disappointments than from being shielded from them. You need to 'own' your worry. I know I keep referring to adolescents being out at night, but sometimes I had to say "Look I trust you, but I won't sleep unless you let me know that you are safe." Hopefully I was making it clear that it was my issue and I was expecting them to consider my feelings too.
3. Don’t pretend
Thirdly don't try to put on the appearance that everything is ok with your kids when it isn't. Some families feel that they can't show their faces at church when their children have 'let them down'. It's only when Christians are honest about what life is really like that true sharing and support can happen.
How do you manage anxious thoughts about your children?
