The best attended Men's Breakfast at my local Anglican church in the last few years was on the topic of Depression in Men, where over 110 men, parishioners and their friends, started their weekend with bacon and a talk on depression. At question time at such events, the most frequently asked question I get asked is "How do I help my friend/spouse/child who I think/know is depressed?"
The WHO states "Depression is the leading cause of disability as measured by YLDs and the 4th leading contributor to the global burden of disease (DALYs) in 2000", and predicts that by 2020 it will be the second ranked contributor. According to Beyondblue, an Australian website on depression, it costs the Australian economy $3.3 billion per annum in lost productivity. At any one time, approximately 10% of us will have active depression, and throughout our lifetime, about one in five of us will experience an episode of depression. This sets the background for the wide interest in depression. And Christians are not immune - Tony Campolo tells a sad story of a young Christian with depression who suicided not long after he had approached Tony for some counsel.
So how can you support our friends/spouses who have depression?
1. Remember you can't cure them, and look after yourself.
Depression is an illness with a number of causes, often involving biochemical imbalances in the brain, needing professional treatment from their GP, counsellor/psychologist, or in severe cases, a psychiatrist. The lack of energy and hopelessness often experienced by those with depression can be sapping to those around them, so caring for yourself and removing the expectation that you can cheer them up will help you to keep supporting them through this illness.
2. Be a friend - ask them out, accept them, listen to them
Just because they may refuse your invitations to go out (social withdrawal is a normal part of depression), don't abandon them; keep on being a friend with phone calls and short visits. Send them an encouraging card, text or email.
3. Encourage them to seek help
Sometimes someone may not be aware they have depression, or are lacking the energy and/or clear thinking ability due to their depression, so that they fail to seek appropriate help. Offering to help them make an appointment, or going with them to their first appointment can be supportive.
4. Pray FOR them, and WITH them if that helps, but don't make them feel guilty
For some with depression, God seems very distant, and their poor thinking and lack of energy means pursuing their normal quiet times is impossibility. The well meaning offer of Bible verses can lead to them feeling guilty and even worse! For others, certain passages of scripture can be real lifeline. Alison Beeston, in Now That You Are Back, the story of her journey with depression, talks of passages that were helpful to her, including Joshua 1: 8-10, Philippians 4: 5-7 and 1 Peter 5:7.
For those of you living with depression, or living with someone with depression, what other suggestions do you have?
