A growing number of books are being produced claiming men are not in church. The real statistics however, are not so bleak. But why do we feel there are no men in church?
Stage of life
We all progress through stages of life.
Young excited, committed men begin demanding jobs, get married and have children. Their wives have to juggle family responsibilities while often working part time or full time. It is a very difficult stage of life.
With limited resources, in order to survive many mums and dads of young families rightly focus on the intensive ministry to their families. Out of necessity they have to pull out of congregational ministries. They are still committed to the Lord, still regularly at church, but just don't have the capacity to do more than be part of the gathering and serve while in the meeting.
The problem
So why is this related to the perception that there are no men in our churches?
Having gone through this life stage and having observed it for 30 years now, I have noticed a core problem with this stage of life. The problem is that after the complicated days of young family life are passed, and life is more manageable and capacity to serve outside the family is increased, very few men get back into congregational service.
There are many reasons why this is the case.
Sometimes it is because they feel 'rusty' and incapable of ministry. Older men do not want to be embarrassed by failure and being asked to do something they are unsure of opens them up to failure.
Often it is because they have become less visible in the family years, and so as congregational leaders seek help they forget the increased availability of men as they come out of the family years and so don't ask them to be involved.
Sometimes it is because there are no models that have gone before these men showing the value of re-engaging in congregational leadership and how to do it, and encouraging these men back into congregational service.
Some suggestions
My observation is that most men in this post young family age group are still devoted to God and willing to help, but just don't know how to do it. So here are some thoughts.
1. As men enter the pressure years we should work together to find some containable ministry for them to continue to do through these years. I suggest it be something achievable but constant so as to ensure they are actively engaged. Constant could be weekly or a periodic task done a number of times, such as helping to run the youth camp a few times. This keeps our 'hand in' and models service.
2. Congregational leaders should know who is coming out of family pressure time in a couple of years and begin training and mentoring these men so that they feel capable to serve when the stage of life permits it.
3. Actively engage with men in the post young family age group, when work pressures tend to be more in control, children less intense and mortgages under control to re-examine the structure of life and where they can begin to serve. This is a prime time of life to serve the Lord and men should be challenged about this. In fact there is a movement called 'Prime Time' attempting to do just this. Not only will this extra manpower serve the church, but it creates a model for younger men to more easily follow in future days.
