A few years ago an Asian airline, who were known for a poor safety record ran a billboard campaign stating ‘we are better than you think’.
Apart from the laughter arising from setting such a low bar, I was made to think about the difficulty of overcoming first impressions. First impressions are powerful. They cause us to put the subject into a box that categorises them, and the impressions persist so that it becomes difficult for us to ever let them out of that box.
And we do the same with Christians in our churches.
The advantages of first impressions
Examining the first impressions you have of someone can be very helpful.
Strangely enough, first impressions are quite often correct. Our hunches or feelings about the person often have validity even though we may be unable to explain why we hold them. I have found it helpful to explore these hunches as a way of helping myself and my friend grow more like Jesus.
Even if our first impressions may be faulty it is common that my first impressions of another person will be the same as another’s first impression of that person. Often people have a similar perception of another person, so that perception becomes self fulfilling. That is, the person becomes like, or remains like, the perception that others have of them. If we recognize this, it will help us as we minister to that person.
Finally, my first impressions of another person can teach me much about myself. Why do I feel this way about that person? What is it that I hold as important about a person? What does my reaction disclose about how I relate to others? Interrogating the ‘why’ of my first impressions can help me to grow.
The dangers of first impressions
If we do not allow our first impressions to be examined or challenged or changed then we are in dangerous territory.
Dangerous because the impression may be wrong. The issue may be with me and not the other person.
Dangerous because if we do not re-evaluate the impression we do not relate to the other person as they actually are.
Dangerous because we deny that people grow and that the Holy Spirit is at work in changing people.
Dangerous because understanding and relating to the other person as they were initially inhibits their growth.
First impressions and change
So here are some thoughts on how to use and not abuse first impressions.
1. If appropriate talk to the other person about your first impressions. It is a Christian way of relating to discuss things by speaking the truth in love and having either party corrected in love as a result of that conversation.
2. Be always willing to re-assess your first impressions. Recognise that people change.
3. If the first impression is correct, and there are issues to deal with, be part of the solution in helping the other person grow to maturity. It is unhelpful to diagnose a problem and not contribute to its resolution.
4. Look for areas where the other person exhibits great ability or passion and see if that can be used in gospel service
5. If there is a common and wrongly held first impression that people have of someone, become the champion of that person.
