According to John Gray, billed as "the greatest living authority on how men and women relate," men and women are very different from one another and this is the cause of friction between them.
His latest book is marketed as the most important relationships manual since his first one, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, appeared in 1992. It is "a definitive manual for helping men and women thrive together in the 21st century."
But the problems he addresses do not seem to be very different from those which couples struggled with in previous decades.
The book is engagingly written and has many anecdotes about how couples clash and how these may be harmoniously resolved by an awareness of the differences between men and women. Gray is sure that men and women are very different from one another, but admits that at times we do not all display each of these characteristics. However, his solutions are all written based on his admitted stereotypes, which he takes two chapters to present as scientifically proven.
After assuring us that what he is writing has the backing of reputable scientists and doctors, Gray goes on to encourage his readers to attend Mars and Venus cellular cleansing and detox retreats. But my doctor tells me that my body is doing this stuff automatically and assures me that these clinics are unnecessary and a waste of money.
Throughout the book there are many such promotions of Gray's DVDs, seminars and counsellors you can contact for a fee from the various websites listed. His many other books are hardly even mentioned, but he is quite a nag when it comes to advertising his latest wares.
There is plenty of good advice in the book which can help men and women better relate to one another, but we should be wary of feeling that we have to act and think in a certain way just because Gray informs us that research tells us that we must. I've never been comfortable with people telling me that because astrologers call me a Libran, I have certain obvious assets and deficiencies and I'm often left wondering after reading descriptions of typical male and female learning styles if I should go back to the factory for a reset.
The title of the book is misleading, because he never mentions the main reason men and women have conflicts. While Gray says that these are caused by big differences between the sexes, the Bible tells us we were made to be complementary and that our Creator intended these differences as enhancements to relations between a man and a woman and not obstacles.
But the Bible also tells us that the friction we experience is due to our rebellion against the God who made us. This rebellion has also alienated us from God and from one another. But when we stop fighting against him, and come back into a relationship with him through Jesus' death for us, he places us in a family of his people who are united to one another through their union with their Saviour, Jesus Christ. This is the only basis of true fellowship between men and women.
In Christian marriage we have the privilege of modelling the relationship between Christ and his bride, the Church, as we sacrificially give our lives for one another and find fulfilment in working together in the roles God has given to men and women.
