Author and radio personality Kel Richards has taken his talent for translating text into Aussie English and applied it to one of the great Christian classics: Pilgrim’s Progress.
Like Kel’s previous forays into ‘Strine, including various versions of The Aussie Bible, this re-telling of Christian’s journey to the Celestial City is likely to become a useful way of opening up John Bunyan’s best-known title for new readers.
The easy style and colourful language camouflages the Christian content, but faithfully deliver the necessity of every individual undertaking a journey away from destruction and towards salvation.
This by-passing of the defences many people erect against the Gospel means Aussie Pilgrim’s Progress will prove to be a good gift for those on the periphery of the Christian faith.
Below is an extract from the book:
Author’s Note
Pilgrim's Progress was first published in 1676. In the form of an allegory (an elaborate and detailed parable) it tells the story a Christian's spiritual journey from this world to the world to come. Each physical place, person or event in the story has a spiritual meaning and stands for a spiritual reality in the journey of the soul.
Following the death of Oliver Cromwell and the restoration of the monarchy (under King Charles II) independent Christians (or "non-conformists", as they were also called) were persecuted. John Bunyan was charged with being an "unlicensed preacher" and was imprisoned in Bedford jail from 1660 to 1672. During his time in jail he wrote a number of books, including his classic allegory of the Christian life: Pilgrim's Progress.
Linguists now say that English is no longer a single language. Instead they now talk about "Englishes". There are many of these: American English, British English, Canadian English, Scottish English, Hinglish (a combination of English and Hindi spoken in India) and many, many others. One of the most colourful and inventive of these "Englishes" is Australian English (or "Aussie English" as its speakers like to call it).
John Bunyan was a very down-to-earth, nitty-gritty storyteller. And so it seemed almost a natural step to re-tell his classic tale in the down-to-earth, nitty-gritty colourful language that is Aussie English " to bring a bonzer yarn to life for a new mob of blokes and sheilas.
The long journey begins
As I was carrying my swag on the wallaby track " somewhere out past the back o'Bourke " I came across a big coolibah tree beside a billabong. There was cool shade under the tree, and it was a blazing hot day, so I lay down to take the weight off my feet. Anyway, I must have fallen asleep because I had this really weird dream.
In my dream I saw this bloke whose shirt and moleskins were grubby and torn, with a huge heavy swag on his back, standing beside a bush track reading a book. When he read the book he looked as miserable as a punter who forgot to back the favourite on Melbourne Cup day. Finally he opened his mouth and started to moan, "What am I gunna do?"
Still moaning to himself he went back to his house " just a bush shanty on a dirt road in a small outback township. His missus and his kids could see how wound up he was. So she said, "What's up, pet?"
At first he kept his worries to himself, but finally he couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer, and he burst out and said, "Sweetheart! Kids! I've gotta tell you: I'm dead certain God's gunna wipe out this whole township and everyone in it. God's anger's gunna hit this place like a massive bushfire and we're all done for, unless, somehow, we can escape."
They looked at him like he was a sheep short in his top paddock. But his missus told the kids that a good night's sleep would put their old man right again.
In the morning when she asked him how he was feeling, he groaned, "Worse than ever." And over the days that followed he went on and on at them about what he reckoned was coming.
His family just got fed up with him. Sometimes his wife and kids would just ignore him, and other times they'd laugh their heads off at him, and sometimes they'd tell him to pull himself together.
He didn't know what to do, so sometimes he'd nick off to the back veranda where he could pray in peace and quiet, and sometimes he'd walk in the paddocks reading his book and nearly out of his mind with worry. One time when he was doing this he groaned out loud, "What am I gunna do?"
Now as it happened, not far away, just on the other side of the post and rail fence was a bloke by the name of Messenger. And this bloke said, "What's your worry, sport?"
The man said, "From this here book I've found out that I'm condemned to die, and after that to face judgment. Well, I certainly don't want to do the first, and the second frightens the life out of me."
"Why aren't you willing to die?" asked Messenger. "Life in this world's pretty rough, and you've had a hard time of things, so why not just tumble off the twig?"
The man moaned, "Look at this heavy swag on my back " I reckon I'd sink down to the lowest hell. The fact is, I'm a long way short of perfect, and I'm just not ready to face the Judge."
"Well," replied Messenger, "what are you hanging about whinging for? Why aren't you doing something about it?"
"I don't know what to do!" was the response.
Messenger handed him his business card, on which was printed the slogan: "Escape from the anger to come."
"But where?" moaned the man, "where?"
Messenger pointed to another paddock, beyond the end of the township, and said, "Can you see the gate at the end of that paddock?"
"No," he said.
"Then," persisted Messenger, "can you see the light there " where the sun's reflecting off the hinges of the gate?"
The man squinted and said, "I think I can."
"Alright then " keep your eyes fixed on that and head straight towards it. When you get to the gate you'll be told what to do."
The man started walking quickly towards the gate. As he did so his wife and kids called out behind him, "Don't be such a drongo! You're behaving like an absolute boofhead. Don't believe that rubbish. Come back, you great galah! Come back!"
But the man muttered to himself, "Eternal life, eternal life" and kept on going.
