My Valentine’s weekend consisted of dinner dates, flowers, and giving CPR to my credit card. All up, it was a fun time. But for thousands of people, especially women, Valentine’s Day is a painful reminder of their singleness and loneliness.

About a year ago I wrote a short blog post called Single Women, speaking about the experience of single females in the church, especially after the age of 30. It touched a raw nerve, and I received a flood of comments. This one arrived just a few days ago -

I’m not Christian but I am 33 years old and single. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the single women over 30 here who were so truthful in their loneliness. I feel exactly the same way. I despair of ever meeting a man who wants more than to sleep with me with “no strings.” I have no answers: I’m typing this on a Friday night from the small apartment where I live alone. But it means so much that other people, other women over 30, have the same feelings that I do. A kiss and a hug to each of you (oh, the skin hunger!) May you receive the love you deserve - yes, deserve just for being human - soon. xo

I wish I could say that things were always better in our churches, but I’ve met many people within our congregations who are expressing exactly the same longing and loneliness. Truly content singles seem to be in the minority. I don’t say this to condemn the majority - rather, I believe we all share responsibility for this situation.

Our churches so often lack community - the genuine community that single people crave so much. Our primary unit of community appears to be the nuclear family rather than the church gathering. Our little families arrive at church together, huddle together throughout the service, then race off home together after the service ends. Families eat together, sleep together, go out together and just hang out together. The single often does all of these things alone - and it makes singleness nearly unbearable.

I really believe we can do better in this area, and I do hear some encouraging stories. One family I know have “adopted” an older single woman. She comes around once a week to share a meal with them, help put the kids to bed, and then just sit and watch tv for a while. For a lonely person, something like this is more precious than gold. The “Crowded House” movement in the UK are also doing some good things in this area, all built on solid Reformed Evangelical foundations. Closer to home, I’ve been impressed with what I’ve heard about Gymea Anglican’s “Soul Revival” group.

But finally I have a challenge to singles themselves, especially single women. The apostle Paul learnt contentment in all situations, and I believe contentment is possible for the reluctant single as well. Chase after Christ, pursue Him, fix your eyes on Him, cling to Him, bring your pain to Him and cry out to Him. He will be faithful. A puritan writer once described Christian contentment as a “rare jewel”. Sisters, earnestly seek that jewel…