'It takes a community to raise a child', the old saying goes. So where does a parent's responsibility begin and end?

There are many influences in a child's life that can help prepare them for the big wide world. Apart from their own loving relationship with their children, parents can introduce them to some very good experiences that will help to build resilience and be protective factors in stressful times as they grow into adulthood.

Lyn Worsley in her book, The Resilience Doughnut, cites seven factors that research shows help to build resilience in a child. Let's look at three that might surprise you.

The Peer Group Factor

Being connected to peers is particularly important for adolescents and is a protective factor in stressful times. Some tips for parents:

"¢ Get to know the parents of your child's peer group;

"¢ Don't be quick to judge the mistakes of your child's friends - talk to them with respect and curiosity;

"¢ Get to know the parents of the children who have invited your child to parties or sleepovers by going inside when dropping off and picking up; and

"¢ Help organise group events of the peer group.

The Community Factor

As children grow they can benefit enormously from involvement in community groups such as church youth groups, sporting clubs, scouts or guides. Always check out the leadership first to make sure you are comfortable with the people in charge.

Don't underestimate the impact that you as a loving parent can have on your child's friends. A significant, trusted adult outside the family or school who takes an active interest in the child is a resilience builder. Kids can really appreciate the attention and sense of self worth they get from other kids' parents or a group leader. 

It is really important for churches that conduct children's and youth ministries not to underestimate how important a role they play in a child's life. You are providing a place where kids can meet others, do worthwhile things together and learn about Jesus not just through the words they hear but through the personal influence and example of their leaders. These ministries help to shape the community in a powerful way.

The Money Factor

You may be intrigued by the mention of money as a factor in building resilience. According to The Resilience Doughnut if a child is taught to manage money well this can be a resilience builder.  A child does best when he or she:

"¢ is expected to contribute to his or her purchases by age 12;

"¢ has a savings account and regularly contributes to it;

"¢ has a family where there is open communication about budgeting and spending; and

"¢ Is involved in raising funds for various projects in the community or school

I'm sure Christian parents would want to add helping your child to develop the habit of giving regularly to the above list.

How have you sought to build resilience in your children?