The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:25

When we look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we read that they were naked and felt no shame. This statement helps us to understand how profoundly different relating with people was before the Fall, because they were able to be completely "naked", open and vulnerable with each other, and were comfortable with that, feeling no shame.

Yet for most of us, the way and depth to which we relate to others is something that we negotiate either consciously or unconsciously in every interaction we have with another human being.

In John Powell's classic Why Am I Afraid to tell you who I am?, Powell describes five levels of communication which determine how much of ourselves we are prepared to reveal to the person we are relating to, from the entry level which is seen as the weakest response to human condition of aloneness and the need to connect with others.

Level 5 Cliché conversations: Typical, routine, everyday comments with questions and answers given out of habit, and without real interest or intent, such as “How are you?” “Fine.” “Having a good day?” “Yes.”

Level 4 Reporting Facts About Others Or Events External To Ourselves: We share information about others or what has happened that day without any personal reflections. People in my birth country (UK) are masters at talking about the weather in a myriad of ways!

Level 3 My Ideas and Judgments: At this level we are willing to risk revealing something of ourselves. However, even as we do this, we are monitoring the other's reaction to see if we need to retreat to safer ground! Conflict can arise at this level if both persons are willing to keep putting their opinion out there even when the other is disapproving of them.

Level 2 My Emotions: Having been brave enough to stick to one's opinion, we can be fooled into thinking we have communicated thoroughly to the other. However there is really much more of ourselves to share. When one or both feel safe enough to share their emotions, they are moving from communicating from their "head" to communicating with their "heart" or "gut", and are revealing to the other those things about themselves that make them the unique person they are.

Level 1 Peak Communication: The deepest level of communication and intimacy where you feel completely safe to reveal your unique and deepest needs with each other. This means using "gut" communication even when it is most difficult. Truly, unless these needs are known and met, a couple will remain “strangers”, but this level only occurs from time to time in most relationships.

So, let me challenge to think about how close you go in your relationships with others - do you have a place where you experience "peak communication"? How do you set the tone for the conversation at "fellowship time" after church, or in your Bible study? Are you able to share your emotions, your unique "you" with others that you are in fellowship with? Maybe you could consider what it is that stops you from relating in that way, that makes you grab for the "fig leaves"? And of course lastly, what about in your relationship with God? Which level can you achieve there and what helps you to do that?

How close are you going...?