Lost amid the political debate are the voices of real women who have had abortions, writes AMY BUTLER.

It is now 30 years since the ‘Roe v. Wade’ case made abortion legal in the USA. Earlier this year, Norma McCorvey, alias ‘Jane Roe’ (the Roe in ‘Roe v.  Wade’), sought to overturn this decision, voicing her regret over the part she played in the original lawsuit.

On the home front there have been recent media reports about the availability of the ‘morning after pill’ in Australia. Current figures suggest that 22.6 per cent of pregnancies each year end in abortion, giving Australia the second highest rate among developed countries.

But for Melinda Tankard-Reist, abortion is not about the debate over politics and science, but rather about the forgotten voices of women who have had abortions.

A Canberra-based researcher and writer, Melinda is the editor of a collection of powerful stories titled Giving Sorrow Words – Women’s stories of grief after abortion.

One of the overwhelming themes woven throughout the stories is the lack of choice many of the women had in their decision to have an abortion. Many of the women speak about the pressure they were put under by their partners, or in some cases parents, to terminate their pregnancy. This, Melinda says, highlights just how much the rhetoric of ‘pro-choice’ is a myth.

“Abortion does nothing to address the problems women really face; instead of offering alternatives, basically you’re whisked off to the abortion clinic and this is done under the name of ‘choice’,” she explains. “While society talks about a woman’s ‘right to choose’, in reality there are so few choices. Surveys have shown that women have had abortions not because of choices but lack of them.”

A number of women whose stories are told in the book were not young women or teenagers when they had their abortions.

One woman in her 40s had already had three children and was scared by the thought of being an ‘older mother’. Subsequently she went through deep mourning when her children left home and she was reminded of the child who might still have been with her.

Another theme raised in Giving Sorrow Words is the lack of information women received about the after-effects of abortion, particularly the possibility of acute depression and sadness. One woman explains how she looked through family planning books, hoping to find out how she might feel after an abortion, but to no avail. A counselor told her she might feel a ‘little bit depressed’, but this did not prepare her for the despair she felt after her abortion.

“I did not feel I deserved to live. All I thought about was how I would kill myself, when I would kill myself … After all, if I can kill my baby, I can sure as hell kill myself – and I deserve it,” the woman says.

There have recently been some encouraging examples of public recognition of grief after abortion. Emma Loach published her story in The Sunday Telegraph early last month. She told of the grief and remorse experienced after terminating a pregnancy because the child had Down’s syndrome.

“When I see a child with Down’s I have a tremendous need to explain myself and apologise a million times for doubting their right to be in this world. And, for a few hours, I’m convinced that I made a terrible mistake.”

Catherine Cotton of Right to Life NSW assists in the organisation of remembrance services in Hornsby. These are non-intrusive services held to help women remember and assist them in saying goodbye to children they’ve lost through miscarriage, stillbirth or abortion.

“Women have found the services a helpful opportunity to acknowledge their grief for the loss of their child, as there isn’t generally a place for this grief to be expressed,” Mrs Cotton said. “There is a place for churches to think through how to minister to these women by giving them the opportunity to recognise the life of their child.”

In considering what has caused Australian society to be so readily accepting of abortion, Melinda Tankard-Reist says the notion of ‘free sex’ must take some blame.

“We’ve lost the ability to love, be committed, stay together and see each other through difficult times,” she says. “I think we need to teach our boys what sex really means for a woman and what it means to become pregnant and carry a child. It’s a great and significant thing, but we’re losing that sense of intimacy and sexuality has become cheap.”

Melinda says a pro-life stance needs to be followed up by action. She believes the most constructive way of acting on a pro-life conviction is to provide alternatives for women.

She and a group of pro-lifers based in Canberra have established Karinya House, a home for women who want to go through with their pregnancies but otherwise have little support.

In Canberra, many churches have bought a piece of furniture such as a wardrobe and filled it with practical items for mother and baby. These are then given to the women at Karinya House as a gift and to assist them when they move into a home of their own.

Melinda says that society needs to remember that children are a gift for which to be thankful.

“A woman who has an unexpected pregnancy should be given the opportunity for unexpected joy. I think people tend to put a dampener on it and she begins to feel that this is the worst thing in the world. I think the church and Christians can help these women to see their child as a gift and to be joyful about that.”