He'll Be Ok: Growing Gorgeous Boys Into Good Men takes us to the heart of how teenage boys think. It's a road map for raising boys to become good men.
The book's title will grab the attention of parents but its content is well worth reading by anyone dealing with young people.
Author Celia Lashlie has gone right to the source to study how boys think in their teenage years. But more than this the book provides the reader insights into what matters most in the world of men. It highlights the importance of mateship, respect, leadership and loyalty.
Lashlie was invited to conduct a research project to investigate "What makes a good man in the 21st Century?" She shares her journey of being invited to speak with principals of various boys' schools. In approaching her subject she thought it valuable to investigate what boys' schools do best in raising boys to men.
This book presents an open account of Lashlie's conversations with boys and she shows a genuine interest in the boys' answers and they respond to her with surprising honesty and candour.
With her experience of working in prisons, Lashlie had seen the worst behaviour after men have made poor choices in life. In 2002 she published a book titled The Journey to Prison: Who Goes and Why. She was now interested to know what society could provide for young boys to allow them to grow into good men and avoid the negative path of spending time in prison.
Does the book have the answers? Yes and no.
The two biggest messages the author has for parents are these: Firstly, young boys need an adult male to walk beside them on their journey from boyhood into adulthood. Secondly, mothers need to take a step back and let boys have their trust. Both these points are made in the context of boundaries.
Boys need boundaries. They need to know when to stop testing the rules that society places on them. When they find the boundaries in life then they feel safe to explore who they are and who they want to become. If there is no one there to hold them accountable for their actions they can find themselves moving toward deeper danger.
In regard to their education, Lashlie explains that boundaries allow boys to relax in their learning experiences. With boundaries he knows what the limits are and can feel safe to explore his world within those boundaries. Without them he continues to test the limits and will become anxious until he can find them.
As sons enter their teenage years the author describes this as approaching the bridge of adolescence. As mothers approach the bridge of adolescence with their sons they should allow room for their fathers to come forward and be involved in their son's upbringing.
Throughout the project the author realises that boys need men to guide them through the road map of life. Women need to take a step back and let their husbands do what they do best. Raise their sons.
Boys will let us know when they need us. But they most of all want our trust. One observation a 15-year-old boy made about females was that "women sweat the small stuff". When asked if he meant just mothers, he clarified his comment to say that all women do this.
As Christian parents we recognise the importance of boundaries. Parents need to wisely decide what these boundaries should be. Lashlie hints at the importance of boundaries when she asks a group of boys to explain "how is it that young men like you sometimes get into so much trouble?" The reply came as this:
"Some nights are really boring and you just want to go out and create some carnage. You don't think of the consequences at the beginning, but you do once you're in the middle of the act and usually that's too late."
Boys are also very physical. They are taught from a young age that they should be strong and that showing emotions are not necessarily appropriate. When people are unable to express emotion they instead become physical.
As Christian parents we shouldn't listen to the lie that says our children won't ever be tempted by drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. All children will be faced at one time or another with temptation and peer pressure to try something that goes against our Christian values. As parents we sometimes believe our children won't be exposed to these temptations. But they can and they will. This book encourages us to guide our children on their journey into adulthood.
The book certainly has value for Christians. Its themes do not contradict our own Christian values. It promotes the need for boundaries with children. It seeks to raise children to be upstanding people with moral fibre. Of course, Christian families are certainly not immune to children running off the rails and losing their way. And we pray daily that our children will also hold in high esteem the ultimate model of a good, holy, majestic man, our Lord Jesus Christ.
If we as parents, youth group leaders, teachers and school principals can understand how to communicate with our teens, then the greater chance we have in "growing gorgeous boys into good men".
