This is a tricky piece for me to write. It concerns my daughter Nicola (20) and the murder of two of her friends in Denver, USA, last December. So forgive any apparent lack of objectivity. That said, I hope Sydneyanglicans readers will be heartened by this account of God’s grace in the light of violence and death.

I met up with Nicola (with my wife and three sons) in New York in January. We then had three weeks together on the West Coast talking through issues raised by the shootings on the YWAM base in Denver and simply enjoying being together as a family.

Stuart: Nicola, can you give us the context for being in Denver on December 8th?

Nicola: In 2006, I completed a Discipleship Training School (DTS) at YWAM, Denver. Last year (2007) I was studying at Youthworks and at the end of that course I had planned to return to Denver to catch up with friends and share Christmas with them.

Stuart: Tiffany Johnson, who was killed by gunman Matthew Murray, was a close friend?

Nicola: She was, yes. Tiffany and I lived together in the home of the base director. We were in regular phone/email contact when I returned to Australia. Tiff (26) was a young woman who loved Jesus and was deeply committed to serving Him whatever the cost. Tiff was utterly selfless. She had a passion for skate ministry and young expectant girls. Tiff had been cleaning up after a banquet (for 120 people) when Matthew Murray opened fire. I was with her that evening - in fact I was speaking with her 20 minutes before she was shot. Tiff lived every moment for Jesus - even to the last. I still find it hard to believe she’s dead.

My other really good friend Phil Crouse (23) was also killed. Phil had been wonderfully converted. He’d been a member of a skin-head gang. Phil was learning languages and was excited about cross cultural mission.

Stuart: What effect did the shooting and subsequent deaths of Phil and Tiffany have on the college?

Nicola: Time will tell I suppose. People were asking the, ‘could God really be in this?’ questions of course. It was two weeks before graduation and a major outreach. It certainly brought us all very close together. People were feeling vulnerable and frightened and we were able to comfort and support each other in our grief. Many tears were shed. And I think we were (are) coming to terms with the reality of God’s sovereignty.

Stuart: Can you tell me what you mean by that?

Nicola: Well great glory was brought to the name of Christ at the memorial service. It was picked up by the (global) secular press. People spoke of the transforming power of the gospel in the lives of Tiff and Phil. The eulogies were deeply moving - as was the love and support shown by friends and family. It became a matter for public record that Tiff’s family and that of the gunman met together for prayer and reconciliation. God knows what He is doing even if from my perspective it looks pretty messy. So the ‘could God really be in this?’ question is answered with a resounding ‘yes’ even though it breaks my heart that Tiff and Phil are dead. Death sucks. In 2006 I was on mission in Mexico when a team member, Hong Tae Kim, drowned. I found his death quite shocking. I’d never been that close to death before. To see more friends die while serving Jesus has been tough. It really has.

Stuart: Tough enough to quit?

Nicola: No. I think I’m getting a clearer sense that life is really short and that I need to use my time wisely. I do want to be like Tiff and Phil and make every moment count for Christ. Actually my plan is to return to Denver in June for another short course and then study at SMBC in 2009. And I can’t wait for my girls’ bible study group to start this Wednesday. Some of those girls are new believers and they emailed and supported me while I was away. I also think I’m learning that being a disciple of Jesus costs. Mark 8:35 now leaps off the pages…‘for if you want to save your own life you will lose it; but if you lose your life for me and the gospel, you will save it’.

Can I also thank the readers of Southern Cross and Sydneyanglicans.net from around the world who sent me encouraging and comforting emails. I did not know many of theses brothers and sisters but I felt really upheld by their prayers and reassuring messages.

Stuart Robinson is the National Mission Facilitator for the Anglican Church of Australia and the rector of St Paul’s Anglican Church, Chatswood.