A review of The Relational Manager by Michael Schluter & David John Lee

I was very impressed with Michael Schluter when I heard him talking about his groundbreaking book The R Factor, on a speaking tour of Australia. The ‘R’ was for relationship; and he was talking about the significance, politically and economically, of relationships.

From that early work developed the Relationships Foundation, an organisation that advocates the importance of relationships at every level of government, business, society and family life; and also offers a consulting service to business: a relationship audit.

The Foundation has now gone global, and this book represents an increasing move toward developing the application of the relational concept to work and personal life.

Schluter and Lee are investigating and writing from a biblical foundation. Schluter started the Jubilee Centre, a Christian thinktank relating biblical imperatives to issues of global social justice. Lee studied theology at Regent College in Vancouver. The wisdom they express is biblically based, although this book is written for a wider audience. The concept is that God’s wisdom is wisdom for all people and all time, even for business!

This book is wonderful for crystallising some of the issues that rob us of happiness and effectiveness, and providing some helpful guidelines about how to improve our relationships. It is applicable to every area of life, and would benefit many churches.

Schluter and Lee examine five components of healthy relationship:

• Encounter, with an assumption that more direct (face-to-face) contact is better for relationship building; because it encourages connectedness and produces improved communication.
• Stories, with the idea that every relationship has its own story, which strengthen with continuity over time. Recognises the relationship story encourages belonging and produces momentum.
• Knowledge, with the assumption that greater knowledge leads to more depth. Knowledge is enhanced by widening the areas of awareness of the other person (what is the person’s background, what are they interested in, where do they work?), encouraging mutual understanding and producing transparency.
• Fairness, which has an assumption of parity, treating the other on equal terms and seeing things from the other’s perspective. It encourages mutual respect and produces greater participation.
• Alignment, with its focus on what the two parties have in common in the relationship. It encourages shared identity and produces synergy.

In a family situation, this means we should look for face-to-face opportunities, promoting conversation. We should take time to celebrate the story of our family, remembering highlights and lowlights. We should continue to ask questions, to increase our knowledge of our partner, kids, siblings, and parents. We should make sure we don’t play the power game within our family to bully or ignore some members. It is helpful to evaluate whether or not we are aligned as a family, working together.

From the five components flow ten suggestions for developing a relational rule of life:

1. Process situations relationally: think about the impact of decisions on relationships. For example, how different would our decisions change if we, for example, thought about a promotion in terms of how it affects relationships; or thought about a place we were going to buy or rent in terms of how it might enhance relationships.
2. Practise presence in your conversations: be present to the person you are talking to, avoid distractions such as mobile phones, computers, TV. Give feedback to show you are listening.
3. Develop a story with everyone you meet: evaluate each relationship in terms of where it has come from and where it is going.
4. Cultivate relational intelligence: be aware of what others are thinking and feeling, and how they are reacting.
5. Find ways of closing the parity (power) gap: make sure that physical, financial, age or reputational differences do not impact on how you treat others. See them as God sees them, with eyes of love.
6. Gather information about others and retain it: broaden your knowledge so it is more holistic.
7. Think from the other side: ensure your conversations are mutually beneficial.
8. Take time to plan your day relationally: think about whom you are meeting and how you can cultivate relationship.
9. Do a mini relational evaluation: at the end of the day review what has happened in your relationships at work, school, uni, in the neighbourhood, and/or in the home.
10. Value relationships above everything else: don’t wait until someone is sick or dying before you realise how important that relationship is! The reality is, that relationships matter more than all our belongings and personal achievements.

This is a challenging and exciting book, which has the potential to change the way we look at so many things; and probably impact on the way we read the Bible as well.