How do you handle it when your child is hanging around with a child you just don't like and think might be a bad influence? I have heard a number of Christian parents express their concern about the negative influences of other children.
Parents generally want to steer their children in the right direction, away from children who are bullies or who want to get up to mischief.
Proverbs 12:26 reminds us that "A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray."
In my view, parents' involvement in the choice of their child's friends is a grey area but there are three considerations to bear in mind. There may be more, let me know.
1. If you try to manipulate your children's friendships too much, you may drive them towards secrecy and rebelliousness.
I think the way you handle this will be different according to the age and personality of each child.
Clearly with children under seven, a parent has a lot of control and can determine the amount of time a child spends with a friend. You should address their behaviour when they are with their friend rather than loading all the responsibility or blame onto the other child. A good plan might be to invite the friend to your own home where you can monitor the interaction between the children. Clearly you will have a stronger sense of entitlement to reprimand either child in your own home.
Parents' concern becomes much stronger when the child reaches early adolescence when their peer group is all important to them. Parents sometimes begin to panic at this stage as they know in their hearts that they are beginning to lose the influence they formerly had and that in a few short years their child will be making all their own decisions. Clearly at the least, a discussion about your adolescent's behaviour when they are with their friend is needed and possibly a compromise needs to be reached through negotiation.
2. The powerful impact of good role models for your child's friend.
What about the children from 'at risk' families who could benefit from the love and security and wisdom they perceive and experience in your family? You may remember that I wrote in an earlier blog about the powerful impact that loving, secure and wise Christian families can have on children from families where they have a less secure sense of the love of their parents and possibly no knowledge of the love of God at all. Your family might be the only Bible they read.
3. Do nothing and let your child develop some coping strategies and learn by experience what is 'the way of the wicked' (to quote the proverb)
I think a parent should at least warn a child about the negative influence of the company they are keeping, but often you are not there to enforce your preferences and children and adolescents will have to learn by experience.
What do you think? Please share some of your experiences maybe as a child or as a parent. I think we can all learn as we are willing to be honest and open with each other about the struggles we face in the wonderful world of parenting.
