New research by ANDREW CAMERON, JEREMY HALCROW and TRACY GORDON finds that the strength of Christian marriages is based on more than morality.
Conventional wisdom still claims that to "try before you buy' is the secret to a happy marriage.
And so three out of every four Australian newlyweds will live together before marrying. "You wouldn't buy a home sight unseen or buy a car without a test drive," the thinking goes, "So why get married without first seeing if you are compatible?"
However a car doesn't need counselling after being rejected by a potential buyer! Thus, unsuprisingly, all the hard data points in the other direction.
A flood of research outlines the dangers of cohabiting " couples in de facto relationships experience greater risk of relationship breakdown, depression and domestic violence. One study even showed a link between cohabiting and increased risk of being murdered.
In short, if you live together before you get married, you're putting your future marriage in danger. That's the overwhelming conclusion of a wealth of sociological research.
The evidence linking past cohabitation with unhappy marriages throws light on conclusions of a recent analysis of the 2002-2003 Wellbeing and Security Survey of 1500 Australians.
This research, conducted by Sydney Diocese's Social Issues Executive and Anglican Media, publishers of Southern Cross, showed a very significant connection between higher levels of Christian belief and healthier marriages.
So can the finding that Christians have better marriages be explained away by the strong rejection of cohabitation by Christian couples and their commitment to marriage? Or can we see the Spirit of God at work in their relationships, as he makes them more loving and Christ-like?
Morality & Christian marriage
Do Christians have better love lives because they are more committed to marriage? Christians as a group stand out as being pro-marriage. Very few Christians are in de facto relationships and they have had fewer past partners. So can the success of Christian marriages be reduced to their more wholesome morality?
International research points to poorer relational outcomes for people in de facto relationships compared to married couples. It is beyond doubt that de facto relationships are more likely to break down and that cohabiters report being both less committed to and less happy with their relationships.
In the survey by Sydney Diocese, just under 60 per cent of married people (including those remarried after death or divorce) felt highly confident that their relationship will last, compared to 23.9 per cent of de factos.
Likewise, de factos were more likely to be experiencing problems in their relationship. Nearly 14 per cent of de factos expressed concerns about the way their spouse was treating them, compared to 10 per cent of married people.
There was also a notable association between a lack of intimacy in a current relationship and past experience of a de facto relationship. The research also showed that the more partners you have lived with in your life, the greater the level of insecurity you will experience in your current relationship.
Bad news for Generation X?
Growing up into today's "free sex' culture, young Christian couples are more likely to have experienced a de facto relationship. Some 16 per cent of Gen-X (28-39 years old) church-goers have experienced a de facto relationship in their past. This compares to six per cent of Boomer church-goers (aged 40 to 59 years) and one per cent of Builder churchgoers (60 years +). So if morality is driving the success of Christian marriages, then younger Christian will have worse marriages than their parent's generation.
While the data does show that younger Christians are less secure in their marriages than older Christians, this is not the whole story. If anything, there is an even stronger connection between Christian belief and a happy marriage for Gen-Xers.
For example the correlation between marital security and Christian belief was stronger for Gen-Xers (aged 26 to 39 years) than for Boomers (aged 40 to 59 years). Amongst strong Gen-X Christian believers 60 per cent were certain their relationship would last compared to 28.9 per cent of non believers in that age group. Amongst strong Boomer Christian believers 80 per cent were certain their relationship would last compared to 59.1 per cent for Boomer non-believers.
The evidence from Gen-X suggests that the health of Christian marriages is not merely the result of morality.
Overall picture
When looking across all the "health' indicators for a relationship, it is clear that morality alone can not be the entire explanation for the success of Christian marriages.
Take intimacy. Strong Christian believers are more like to have a relationship that is significantly more intimate than those who lack faith.
This result can not be explained by Christian teaching on the sanctity of marriage. The link between marital intimacy and Christian belief is far stronger than the link with not experiencing a de facto relationship.
Likewise the data shows that it is not the fact that Christians have less relationship "baggage' " because they have had fewer past partners that is driving their high levels of intimacy. Morality, alone, does not appear to be the reason that Christians have more intimate relationships.
Indeed, the analysis found that having a strong Christian belief more strongly influenced the intimacy of the marriage, than other key factors including household income, health, hours in paid employment " and most significantly past relationship history.
Less conflict over gender roles
Disagreement over gender roles is a key issue causing conflict within Australian marriages. About one in five Australian couples have significant difficulties agreeing about roles in their relationship. It is particularly an issue for working parents,
Conflict over gender roles is strongly linked with unhappy marriages. Couples who cannot agree about roles in their relationship are more likely to have a cold and distant marriage, are more likely to think their relationship will end, and feel their partner treats them badly.
So could the Bible's teaching about the nature of marriage help Christian couples better negotiate roles in the family? Indeed, there is very clear evidence that Christian couples fight less over gender roles. Nearly 90 per cent of strong Christian believers found it very easy to agree on roles compared to about 68 per cent of couples who had little or no belief in Christianity.
Conclusion
It is not possible to employ sociological surveys to scientifically prove that God is blessing Christian marriages.
Yet what the data shows is that the strong and intimate relationships experienced by many Christians is not merely a result of morality. It is certainly encouraging that the vast bulk of research findings are completely consistent with the way the Bible says God relates to humanity and works within the lives of those who trust in him.
This article was written by Jeremy Halcrow based on the research paper Christian Spirituality and Relational Wellbeing. The paper is part of the Healthy Relationships Kit, a joint project of the Social Issues Executive and Anglican Media and is available from Moore Books, ph: (02) 9577 9966 or www.moorebooks.com.au
