Cathy McKay was diagnosed with depression last year. But as she looks back over her life she realises that depression set in much earlier.
“Attending a Christian school I found there were expectations about how I should behave. The Christian culture around me didn’t know how to deal with people who weren’t happy or strong. In year 11 and 12 I became fatigued and felt I couldn’t continue living up to people’s expectations, let alone my expectations of myself.”
Cathy, 22, says she felt pressured by her circumstances, such as living alone with her mother in Housing Commission, to keep performing. She says it wasn’t until last year, a few months after her marriage, that she found herself in an emotional ‘safe spot’ where she could really begin to deal with her depression.
Cathy is now using anti-depressants but she says medication is only a small part of what has helped her manage depression in her life.
“I’ve had to learn to work within my limits. I’m generally an extroverted person, but relationships also really wear me out. It is a great help to have people, particularly my husband, who know me well and don’t have unrealistic expectations. I have lots of friends who share my passion for knitting which is really nice for relationships and just being able to relax together rather than always being intense.”
Belonging to a Bible-based church has also been integral to Cathy’s understanding of her depression. “Where the Bible is taken seriously, it’s much easier to cope with and deal with depression because the Bible is so realistic about our weakness as humans. And that’s exactly why we need God’s help.
Cathy says that in her case she was encouraged to realise that depression was ultimately ‘a great kindness from God’ as it exposed her to the reality of her state before him. “I’ve no option but to trust him and rely on his mercy. Jesus is the only way I’m right with God because I just can’t perform anymore.
“Depression is a reminder of my dependence on God. I’ve learned that sometimes God’s love for us means that his concern for our spiritual and eternal well being is bigger than our happiness here and now.”
