From the age of six months old, I was diagnosed with several medical conditions, one of which being intestinal dysmotility. From the ages of 13-16 my medical condition worsened causing me to become bedridden for weeks at a time.  Life had become limited to my home and the hospital. 

I come from a Buddhist family. In Buddhism we only pray in the temple, at least that’s how I was brought up. But because my medical condition had limited me to my home and the hospital, I couldn't even get to the temple.

I remember being so desperate that I prayed for my bed, that if there was a God out there that he would have mercy on me and that he could take away my pain even if it was just for that one moment. For years my condition didn’t get better and it felt like I was speaking to a brick wall. With a tired, weary, frustrated heart, I turned to God and asked, why me? 

I felt like I was walking amidst a dark tunnel, holding onto a dimly lit flickering flashlight. All I could see was the darkness of my immediate surroundings and all I could hear were my unanswered prayers echoing back to me. 

In 2017 that flashlight, which was my strength, had turned out. I reached the lowest point in my life. I was starting to question life and question whether God was even existent or if he could hear me.

That’s when [God] started to surround me with people to reveal himself to me. 

I was in the hospital when I met a team of doctors and nurses who went above and beyond their duty of care to care for me as a person. I didn't understand how they could give so unconditionally. That’s when they introduced me to Jesus. 

The other thing was, one of my mum’s friends was a Christian and she came over and prayed for me. Surprisingly enough, I found out later on that 22 years ago she had actually prayed over my mum for fertility, and that prayer was answered, resulting in my mum conceiving me naturally after multiple rounds of failed IVF and miscarriages.

This lady had prayed for me and said that God was right by me, and that he heard me and saw my pain. These experiences encouraged me to turn to God. This wasn’t in my strength but in a broken surrender. I wanted to learn more about God. That’s when I started to go to church.

As I learned more about the gospel through bible study group, I started to catch glimpses of how God was working in my life all along. 

This faith became my new found life. This time it was a powerful one. I learned no longer to rely on my own strength – the dimly lit flashlight that stopped working on me. I learned to turn to him in all things and I learned that his grace was sufficient for me and his power was made perfect in my weakness. 

In 2021, I surrendered my life to Jesus. Looking back, I can see how God answered my prayer back then. He didn't answer me in the physical healing of my condition, but by bringing me on a journey of salvation through strengthening my faith. It was through suffering that he taught me to lean on him, he drew me close and taught me to turn to him in all things. 

God doesn’t always take away pain and suffering from our lives, but he will always use those for his purposes. In fact, he used my suffering to draw my mum into a relationship with him as well.

Today I still ask God why me? But it’s no longer a cry of pain, but rather an exclamation of undeserving gratitude for his love. Back then I came to him in desperation praying for healing and not seeking him. It was only by his grace that he sought me and saved me from my sins. He is a good and loving God and has walked ahead of me and alongside me all this time. Remember the tunnel that I mentioned?

Only God knew what was on the other side, and that was his plan to draw me close.