You know an issue has become a mainstream concern when Hollywood decides to make a movie about it. Male loneliness, it seems, is a big enough problem to provide a solid foundation for the comedy I love you man.

Men, it seems, perceive loneliness differently to women. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests,

". male subjects with more highly interconnected, cohesive sets of friends reported themselves to be less lonely, whereas density had little relation to loneliness in female subjects.” 

In short, while women may only need a few key connections to find happiness, the more men a man bonds with, the less likely he is to consider himself lonely. But how do men connect in a world where work has pushed social interaction to the margins? It is a question that should be on the mind of every Christian hoping to connect with the bloke in the next cubicle, at the next work site, or next door.

I love you man is funny - at least from this guy's point of view - because it taps into the very real difficulties a modern man can feel attempting to connect with other members of 'the herd'. Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd) is a successful real estate agent fast approaching his wedding day. He only begins to understand how disconnected he has become from other men when he is pressed to name at least one 'best man' to match his fiancée's six bridesmaids. He soon discovers that though he has always been a great 'girlfriend guy', he has never really understood how to build a relationship with the members of his own sex.

I love you man lifts the lid on the trying world of men meeting men. If Peter asks another man out to dinner, rather than just a drink, he risks being labeled 'gay'. If he takes part in male bonding rituals like poker games or drinking competitions, he can't out-perform his would-be friends. And if he has a good time, he has to be careful not to call back too soon in case he is perceived as being too 'earnest'. The script presents the problem as a parody of the dating scene - and why not? Forming valuable male relationships is as difficult as forming a lasting bond between husband and wife.

I love you man makes great mileage out of the shared experiences which lie at the heart of male friendships. Ever wondered why guys can laugh uncontrollably over a single quote from a film? It's a cherished link to a common experience that never grows old. Particular songs, facts and sufferings can work the same way. It's a phenomena that Christians hoping to contact men should pay particular attention to. When Peter starts forming a friendship with the refreshingly honest Sydney Fife (Jason Segel), it is their time spent eating fish tacos, garage jamming and worshipping the band Rush that allow them the opportunity to investigate and understand each other. For men, in life and on the big screen, relationship building is something that happens at the margins of other activities.

This is a realization that is already shaping the more progressive Christian ministries. Rather than stopping at wondering why men do not enjoy gathering together on Sunday mornings to sing and drink weak tea, you will find perceptive Christian men focusing their efforts on activities that are seemingly devoid of spiritual meaning like 4WD afternoons, BBQ breakfasts and introductions to the complex world of beer. These sorts of Christian events have often been criticized for their 'low Gospel content', often earning the most shaming label, 'Pre-evangelistic'. But what those who make such judgments fail to realise is the context they create. For men, the more meaningful conversations often take place during the most meaningless past-times. They provide secure cover for them to ask questions people assume they already have the answers to, and allow men to test the veracity of the Christian faith in a wide range of circumstances.

Guys, why not try this for an 'evangelistic event' - invite a guy you want to see come to Christ to shoot hoops, work on the car or see a film like I love you man. Pray lots before, during and after, but listen, let them lead the conversation, and leave your bag of theological tricks in the car. Hollywood and I seem to agree on this much: men want to connect and will do so with anyone who doesn't ask them to abandon themselves in the process. I have found that once they perceive the reliability of the relationship you offer, the conversation invariably turns itself to what it is that makes you offer.