Bula Blog #3 from Meredith Yeaman
How are you meant to praise God in every season when you are at one of your lowest points? I am away on a mission trip for only four weeks and one of the weeks I have already spent doing nothing but being sick. And yet, there are still many more days of this trip to come. And for what? An ear infection. Isn’t the whole point of me being here to serve God and teach others about his Glory? While at the same time learning and growing in my love and faith for Him? How am I meant to do that when I have spent days in bed feeling at my worst?
I can’t fully see what God is trying to teach me or get out of it. It has been really such a struggle observing everything from a distance. You kind of feel like you are not part of the team. You’re just someone standing on the sideline hearing about what everyone else has been doing, what has impacted them, how God has opened their eyes and challenged them. You long to be part of it, but you just don’t see that happening.
But don’t get me wrong, it is really amazing hearing how God has impacted them. And everyone has been really supportive and encouraging. Even the little things others have done make a big impact. Such as buying me comfort food or checking how I am going. And the big things - such as going out of their way to have a prayer meeting for me. And all these things were definitely un-asked for. It really made me think how grateful I am to God for putting these people in my life. It has challenged my thinking on how you should encourage others and build them up as well as not taking the little things you do for others for granted, as you really don’t know how much it can impact it can have on them. Because the reality is you can never really know how someone is really going or where their headspace is.
At the same time, this time of sickness has made me want to encourage others more and go out of my way to put others first, no matter how much I am suffering or in pain (like the example we are given in Philippians 2:1-4). Even though it never is an easy task, it is something we should all aim to accomplish. I personally have found this a big struggle in this difficult time. I don’t want to be the person who puts a dampener on everyone’s mission trip or complains about the irritations it brings.
The reality is this trip has pushed everyone to their limits and there’s more to come. Which also brings about the feeling of letting everyone down at home at my Church, St Johns Asquith, who have contributed to me being here, whether it be financially or giving up their time, as they have supported and encouraged me so much. Even though I know at the bottom of my heart they would not feel like that at all, I just can’t help but feel like that. But I do have to be honest and say that I have still learnt so much.
A major point of learning is, where do I put my trust? Am I leaning on my own understanding? Which is definitely a dangerous thing to do. God has been amazing to me in bringing himself before me. Such as, during solos he brought me to Psalm 118:24 - as cliché as it may be, it is definitely valuable and something I need to write on my heart. And Jeremiah 29:11 - even though I don’t know what plans he has for me and why I have been sick, at least I can rest in the fact that I am in his capable hands. He can carry me through anything and nothing is too small or big for him. I am positive there is still more things to learn. I think it would be appropriate to finish on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 - another thing I should write on my heart and not let go.
Meredith Yeaman is a year 13 student from St Johns Asquith
