So I was fortunate to get to know God from a young age because my parents are Christian and so I always went to a Christian school and went to church every week. I’ve had many moments that have shaped my faith, but a particular turning point was last December when I heard a sermon that asked the question: “How do you know if you’re really a Christian?” The minister said, “you will have a balance between being devastated by your sin and disobeying God, while also being so joyful because we’re so forgiven and so loved.”
After the sermon, I remember debriefing with my Dad. I was so disturbed because while I’d always been grateful that I’m forgiven and I know that my sin is wrong, it never devastated me and I wanted it to. I hated that I was too arrogant for me to really feel and understand how deserving of God’s anger I am. I asked Dad how to change this, and he said to ask God to help me realise my sin because only can change our hearts.
Over the summer, I intentionally tried to seek God and it was amazing to see how he answered my prayers so powerfully. I found through reading Christian books, especially Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller, God opened my eyes to how sinful I am in every aspect of life. I realised that even though I had been in a relationship with God, I valued so many things on earth way too much. I didn’t depend on God like I should.
My life had been built around people liking me, succeeding in sport, school or work, being comfortable and ultimately feeling good. I began to realise that I’d been unsatisfied for a lot of my teenage years because I was craving all these things more than God. I saw that when i got these things, I needed more of them, and when I didn’t get them, I felt worthless.
After I read that book, I went on beach mission [to run Christian outreach programs at a holiday caravan park], and God continued to show me that I put too many things before him. The theme of the week was: What is your treasure? I spent the week reflecting on what I practically value the most in life. It became so evident that knowing God and sharing his love with the people around me is the only thing I want to do, even though I fail at it every day and choose approval or success or comfort before him.
No matter what I try to pursue, it doesn’t last and it doesn’t satisfy me. When I get approval from people, it makes me want it more. When I go on holidays, it makes me want to keep travelling. When I play well in netball, I focus on playing better the next game. I realised nothing good satisfies me when I love it more than I love God.
After hearing the same message persistently over the summer that I need to put God before everything else, I was able to see just how much grace God shows to me every day, even when I consistently put things above him.
Now I am in constant awe that we have a God who forgives us over and over again. It’s my prayer that God will continue to teach me and grow me in these things more and more everyday
