In the latter half of 2024, Australia’s first Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence Commissioner, Micaela Cronin, handed down her first report to Federal Parliament on the progress of the Government’s national plan to end violence against women and children. 

She said the Australian Institute of Criminology reported that, in the 12 months to June 2024, 43 women were victims of intimate partner homicide, compared with 34 the previous year. While we may have seen a not-insignificant decline in homicides over the past three decades, it is distressing to see a jump of 25 per cent or more in intimate partner homicide for two straight years.

“We know that these numbers do not show the full extent of lives lost and harm done,” Commissioner Cronin said. “Many more women and children are living with the terrible impact of gender-based violence every day... Every life lost is one too many. Every person who lives with the ongoing impact of domestic, family or sexual violence requires us to strive to do better.”

Although gender-based inequality is undoubtedly a huge driver for domestic violence, Ms Cronin noted that statistics now include “the first generation to grow up exposed to violent pornography and misogyny online in a way that has never been seen before”, adding that it was important to acknowledge the impact of alcohol and other drugs, gambling, and pornography: 

“There are now calls to have serious, evidence-based discussions about the role these factors have on violence and what levers the government can use to mitigate them.”

Significantly, Ms Cronin has also urged governments to help redefine masculinity and engage with men effectively. “We need to have eyes on men in different ways than we do now,” she said – adding that she is told consistently by women to “please work with our men” and that data uncovering how men become violent and stop being violent was desperately needed. 

We need to reflect on all this as Christians. I write as one who, over the past decade, has led the development of the Sydney Anglican policy on responding well to domestic abuse. I also believe in the biological reality that men and women are not identical and interchangeable. 

Yet, as our Creator says, men and women are made equally in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). And so, unsurprisingly, the gospel offer of Jesus Christ comes to men and women equally. We are all sinners, and we may all receive forgiveness and hope through trusting Christ and his atoning death and resurrection. And most instructions for Christian living are applied equally to men and women.

But in considering the Commissioner’s invitation to address masculinity, I thought I would mention a few places where the Bible speaks to men in particular. For example, Paul says to men (using the specific word for male, not the generic for humankind),

Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing (1 Timothy 2:8).

He seems to identify a typical temptation for men towards aggro, which may lead to abusive words or, maybe, even physical violence, if they raise their hands as fists. Instead, the godly masculine alternative is to pray. Of course, all women are invited to pray too, and it certainly makes sense if tempted towards anger. 

No social media flame wars. No shouting. None of the threats that your strength might permit you to get away with. But prayer. That’s what a real Christian man does. Likewise, the same older leader instructs the younger male pastor, Timothy, this way:

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity (1 Timothy 5:1-2).

Men are never to treat women as objects. You are to think how you would like your sister or mother to be treated, and treat all women that way. That’s biblical masculinity. Not demanding your rights. Not claiming ownership. Not demeaning women by sexist or sexual joking. 

Paul instructs another regional Christian overseer, Titus, with regard to men this way (and he has instructions for women in the same context):

Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance... Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled (Titus 2:2,6).

Here are some positive traits for men (and women) to pursue, and we could add others such as humility, patience and gentleness, which are fruits of the Spirit.

But these verses are also a warning that you can never excuse poor treatment of women or children by claiming a loss of control. That does not wash with God. I have been writing about this for years – for example, an opinion piece on domestic violence in The Sydney Morning Herald a decade ago on loving your wife and never being harsh with her. 

It still astonishes me that Christian men get sucked into thinking that the heart of masculinity is being an “alpha”, or aggression, or sexual domination, or getting others to submit to you, or throwing your weight around. 

Stay away from “influencers” who promote or condone such behaviour. Such strength as you have is always to be used in love and service of others. This may mean being courageous and strong enough to speak up against ungodly expressions of masculinity or in defence of women who are being demeaned. 

Women should also never feel spiritually obliged to submit to violence or coercive control in a relationship. The Sydney Diocesan Doctrine Commission’s report on The Use and Misuse of Scripture with Regard to Domestic Abuse begins with these words:

Some people use Bible verses as an excuse to abuse their wife, husband or children. This is always wrong. Others think that the Bible tells them to put up with abuse. This is also wrong. 

Yes, there is something to say for encouraging men to take positive initiatives. And God’s Word gives good guidance on the sort of things for men to take the initiative in: prayer, purity, and self-control; and Christian faith, love and endurance. 

Whether expressed by a personality that’s loud or quiet, serious or playful, sporty or arty etc., these attributes are, I believe, attractive and will adorn your walk with Christ. 

The Very Rev Sandy Grant is Dean of St Andrew’s Cathedral in Sydney.