Why do we find asking friends to Christian activities so difficult?
Inviting a colleague to church is met with such trepidation. We somehow feel our whole relationship is on the line and dependent on the answer, and yet it is so easy, natural and right to invite friends to other things we are interested in: such as sporting events, entertainment and recreational activities.
What makes it so hard? Your say
I asked some friends to answer that question and here are some of the responses.
"¢ I know the issues are issues of life and death, and so their response means so much more to me than just accepting an invitation to the football
"¢ I should evangelise but I'm not good at relating at this depth with people, and so I invite and run.
"¢ There is a spiritual dimension to what is happening, and I am afraid that my efforts will be met with the devil's craftiness, and so I'm hesitant.
"¢ There is a spiritual dimension to what is happening, and I know God can save people, but I am not so sure he is willing, and I don't want to risk finding out.
"¢ An invitation to something Christian is just so different to what we normally talk about that it will appear strange. I'm not even sure if my friends know I am a committed Christian.
A pattern?
As I have been mulling over these and other responses I have noticed a pattern.
It seems that Christians relate to others at two quite different levels: one level is like swimming on the surface and the other is deep water diving. There is the level of everyday conversation about weather, sport, kids, movies and anything popular. And then we relate at a deeper level where we discuss personal matters of the soul.
It also seems that we are not good at inter-relating the two levels. We do one or the other, or do one and then the other, but can't operate simultaneously at both levels. If we spend most of our time relating at surface swimming level it becomes so hard to change gear and speak about matters of the soul. We are uncomfortable about this, and our friends are not used to it and so they are also taken aback.
Likewise, if we spend most of our time at deep water diving level, our friends will know there is depth to our conversation. But it would always be hard work just to stay in conversation. Every response becomes a matter of grave importance with a heavy black cloud hanging over the conversation. It may seem like there is so little joy discussing Christian things.
The third way is to be both deep water diving and surface swimming at different times. The problem is that those we are in conversation with don't know which level we are operating at, and it is hard for them to adapt and adjust.
Another way?
I think we need to develop this tone: "Christian is just what we are". Let me explain with an example.
In our chaplaincy group at Moore College this week, one of our students spoke up about her passion for her sports team. This passion naturally spilled over into conversation about what she did on the weekend, how she felt on Monday morning (did they win or lose on the weekend), invitations to join her at games and so many other things. Her love of sport was just part of what she is, and speaking about her passion was really an invitation for others to be part of her life. (This is what I was getting at when I wrote about a lightness of being in last week's post).
When we are speaking with friends about anything, it should be natural that we say "I'll pray for you about that" (and do it), whether the friend is a Christian or not. We know our loving Father seeks and hears our prayers, and so it is just part of what we are.
Church shapes us and is something we love, and want others to share. So it should be natural to invite others to the things we love. Whether they come this time or not is not the main issue. The invitation is just part of what we are.
My guess is that while there is much more to it, this way of interacting is part of having our conversation seasoned with salt and full of grace.
