Apart from the dented bank accounts and extra kilos gained due to Mother's Day celebrations, there can be emotional consequences too.

Around Mother's Day I know that a number of clients will be affected by the unavoidable focus on our relationships with our mothers. Some will be grieving for their mother's loss, others will be upset and angry about the quality of the relationship they have with their mother. When I was a new migrant in Australia, the inevitable chat at coffee time after church about where people were going to celebrate Mother's Day would bring a lump to my throat as I was reminded yet again that my family were far away, and I would not be celebrating with them. I would go home after church and a cloud of sadness would descend on me for the rest of the afternoon.

Interestingly, the whole business of giving gifts and cards (or not), and getting in touch (or not), can throw up patterns of relating that may not usually be obvious, but the reactions that happen in families to apparent failures in any of these areas can compound and confirm hurts and distresses that are often unnamed. In ‘counselling speak’, unpacking and exploring these situations can make the covert overt, and allow healthy choices to occur with the aim of repairing a relationship.

Let's imagine a mother who is greatly distressed when her reliable 21 year old daughter fails to send a card or ring on Mothers Day. Her daughter has recently moved to live with her father in the country, having lived with her mum since the parents separated about 5 years ago. Normally the mother rings the daughter on a Monday evening, but on this occasion she is so distressed by her daughter's lack of contact that she decides not to. She spends the rest of the week alternating between fuming that her ex-husband should have made the girl ring, and crying, believing that her daughter doesn't need her anymore and doesn't want anything to do with her. One could imagine how this could spiral out of control, with the daughter wondering what has happened to her mother's regular call!

However, it doesn't take too much imagination to think about how a careful and caring conversation with the mother could allow her to contemplate other reasons for her daughter's lack of contact - such as the phone line being down which she knows is not unusual at the farm where her ex-husband lives. She might also think about how she is grieving her daughter's moving away, and feel supported by an empathic and caring listener to shed some tears.

Having acknowledged and expressed her emotions, she is in a place where she can make a choice to re-initiate contact with her daughter lovingly. Additionally, she can have the conversation with her daughter about the importance to her of contact on celebration days, and invite her daughter to respond accordingly. Relationship restored!

Being able to be honest with ourselves and others about what is happening in a relationship is the best way to make good choices and sort out the difficulties.

For me, I was blessed this year - all my adult children organised a lunch and a gift - first time ever they had taken full responsibility for that! How was your Mother's Day?