How can a young man keep his way pure?
    By living according to your word. Ps 119:9

How do boys move from boyhood to manhood in Australian society and within the Australian Christian community?

I feel sad for young adolescent boys that there is no real rite of passage from boyhood to manhood in Australian society. I guess for girls there is the onset of menstruation, but for boys, is starting to shave a big deal? I am sure we have all read of societies where the transition from boyhood to manhood is marked by a time when the male elders, fathers and sons withdraw and discuss 'manhood' including personal responsibilities and societal expectations for young men. Although this could be criticised for stereotyping 'maleness' and boxing men into roles, the upside is that there is at least a yardstick by which a young boy can measure his growing manhood. There is something to aim for. Today, what does it mean to be male? What can Christians contribute to this discussion? Have we reduced a boy's coming of age to having his first beer with dad?

Clearly an adolescent boy's growing interest in girls needs support and education about appropriate relationships.

"While girls experience intimacy through mutual self disclosure, boys experience intimacy with other boys through shared activity and time spent together. Girls experience more intimacy in same sex relationships than do boys. Heterosexual boys tend to depend more on opposite sex relationships for experiencing intimacy and emotional closeness. Girls adjust to the end of a relationship better than do boys. Boys are more bereft when an intimate relationship with a girl ends." (page 89 Micucci, The Adolescent in Family Therapy, 1998)

Although there might be a lot of bravado, boys do experience the pain of rejection deeply. Your boys need your support when they are 'dumped' by their girlfriend. As a parent I would advise that you don't tease your son about his 'girlfriend' who may be a girl that he has had a romantic relationship with, or maybe someone he fantasises about.

It's important to talk about sex and friendships with the opposite sex as a normal part of growing up. The danger is that sexuality could be seen as unacceptable or 'dirty' or be driven underground by insensitive comments probably meant in fun but nevertheless quite often taken to heart by the young adolescent. Fathers who affirm their sons growing manhood and who are able to talk openly about masturbation, lovemaking, orgasm, 'wet dreams' and the meaning of rape and incest are much more likely to help their sons develop a healthy attitude to sex. If fathers treat mothers respectfully (without sleaze in relation to sex) boys will develop a healthy respect for their own sexuality and for women.

Boys need good male role models during their adolescence and if dad is not around, single mums need to encourage their sons to join youth groups where good male leadership and healthy male behaviour is modelled. Well meaning but absent fathers (because of work usually) need to have a good hard look at what efforts they are making to connect with their sons. Ideally this relationship building needs to begin much earlier because adolescents will want to spend more time with peers than parents, but better late than never to begin doing boy/man things together.

What about the church organising father and son get togethers or weekends away, always being mindful of those boys who do not have dads around?