A couple of months ago, Sandy Grant wrote an excellent post on forgiveness over at the Sola Panel. He essentially asked a question - are we, as Christians, obliged to forgive those who harm us, even if they do not repent? This is something that has challenged me my whole Christian life, and my opinion has swung back and forth on the issue.
Sandy seems to have come to a conclusion. He refers to the book “Unpacking Forgiveness” by Chris Brauns, and writes -
Its critical insight is that despite what so many blithely claim, forgiveness is not unconditional! Brauns begins with this simple but profound principle: "God expects believers to forgive others in the way that he forgave them" (p. 44)...The key verse here is Luke 17:3: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him" (NIV, my emphasis). So we do not offer 'cheap grace' to people who refuse to acknowledge sin. Of course, we may still act in loving and kind ways towards them, though they be our enemies. Yet we are not obliged to pretend all is okay.
The issue is particularly important to me. One of my ministries is to those who are separated and divorced, and time and again, the issue of forgiveness comes up. People ask me if they are obliged to forgive their ex-spouse, even though that person has shown no remorse for the suffering they have inflicted.
Usually I’ve said yes, they need to forgive, and that forgiveness is a journey, and that they might not feel it right away, and it doesn’t matter what the other person is doing, it only really matters what is going on in their own heart and so forth. In hindsight, I’ve confused forgiveness, which is a transaction involving both parties, with a general feeling of charity from the offended towards the offender.
But I found Sandy’s argument persuasive, and it will change how I approach this issue. Forgiveness can only take place where the offender has acknowledged their sin and repented. It makes no sense otherwise, and is not real forgiveness. Indeed, we all know there is nothing more sanctimonious than having someone say, “Oh, I forgive you” when you haven’t asked for it, and don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong.
There is an important point to add here, though. As Sandy wrote, “Of course, we may still act in loving and kind ways towards them, though they be our enemies.” I would go further and say that we are obliged to do so - to be gracious and loving and kind to those who have hurt us, even if they have prevented us from forgiving them.
This is a hard calling, especially when the offense has been great. But it’s the pattern of our Lord, who loved us even while we were His enemies, and who holds out the offer of forgiveness and reconciliation to all who come to him in faith and repentance.
