Churches matter!

The local congregation is the true church of God, and local church ministry must be the centre of our ministry. But we live in a city where one in five people have moved suburb in the last five years, where there are good churches in most suburbs, and where members made choices about which church to attend for fleeting reasons, making their commitment to any particular congregation much looser than the minister desires. And so it is an all too common occurrence that people leave a congregation to join another.

What should we do?

Holding onto members

The natural desire for churches is to hold onto members. There are many reasons for this desire, some valid and some less so. Amongst other reasons we want to keep people because

• they are part of our congregational life, and everyone’s family experience is diminished by their absence

• the task they do in our congregation is important and they are indispensible

• our church’s viability is challenged when they leave

• we have put so much effort into recruiting and training these people to be active in our ministries.

• we know them, and they will best served in growth towards maturity by remaining with us

It is normal and right to consider how the kingdom of God may grow in our setting, but we also have the responsibility to think about what is best for the person or people who are thinking of leaving and what is best for the kingdom. To urge people to stay with you, when you can see that it is best for their growth to leave is impossible to justify. Likewise, if we kept everyone to see the kingdom grow in our parish we would never send anyone on the mission filed, or to theological college or to lead other ministries.

So how do we accomplish this?

Whether to argue to stay

I suggest having open, honest and frank discussions with congregation members well before they consider leaving!

The sort of conversation would be around how our congregation can help you grow like Christ and how the person can work on our congregational setting to see the kingdom develop. At this point I would also ask how long they expect to remain our in our fellowship so we can better plan for their growth and the growth of the congregation.

If we have this type of conversation it makes the conversation much easier when people consider leaving. At the very least they will discuss leaving (because these matters are already on the table) and the concerns for personal, congregational and kingdom growth are part of the agenda. It is then possible to work together with knowledge and a common goal to determine whether it is appropriate to stay.

And if the decision is to go?

And what if the person or people decide it is best to leave, even if some think they should not do so?

Every departure in life is painful. So too in church. Part of dealing with pain is to recognize it, process it and move on. Some churches make no comment when people leave because it may upset congregation members, or for the fear of it starting and exodus. My observation is that people notice, so it is good to formally farewell people, and assist the congregation to rightly process the departure.

But we have something else in our favour. We can also celebrate. No farewell is just goodbye. Because of the work of God in the lives of His people we are able to rejoice at what God has done in the lives of those leaving and through them in the congregation. We can also rejoice in what God may do through those leaving in the places to which they are going. We should do that, and pray for those departing.

Goodbye and hello

Finally, saying goodbye is painful. It is a joy to say hello to believers who join us from elsewhere and people who have recently come to faith. We should welcome people into our family life too. As churches we are not good at this but it would be a strange family indeed that dwelt only on funerals and never rejoiced at births.

We need to match the sadness of farewell with the excitement and joy of welcome.