I have been working with children and their families for the last 15 years, in foster care, adoption, with families going through separation as well as families just struggling through life. However, the last thing I clan claim to be is an expert in parenting. No one is!
The last thing we want to do is to add fuel to the cult of 'expertism' that is burning brightly in the field of parenting. From the bookshop shelves full of parenting books and manuals, to hours and hours of reality TV programming - from Supernanny to Brat Camp, to the constant bombardment by advertisers of images of the 'perfect family'. It's not only the army of self-proclaimed experts, but the promises they make about perfectionism in parenting that some parents come to believe is ultimately possible, (much to their inevitable frustration and possibly their despair)!
One could ask the question…How on earth did parents manage before the last quarter of the 20th century and the plethora of books, courses and counselling services that have emerged on parenting issues? Have parenting practices improved as a result? What has been the real impact of the research on parenting practices? What happened to untrained but nevertheless entirely valuable insight and intuition in parenting?
As Nick Galvin notes in his recent SMH article In search of the flawless family:
"In the space of barely a generation, bringing up children has gone from being a process regarded as largely natural and instinctive to a skill that needs to be taught, corrected and analysed by experts."
Since I have been running parenting courses, I have noticed that some parents come with very high levels of anxiety about parenting and the challenges it presents. They come with the idea that there is a 'perfect' way to be the 'perfect parent' and this belief only increases their sense of inadequacy and feelings of guilt and failure, because no one matches up! One of the unfortunate outcomes for parents of all this expert advice is that they have lost their confidence in parenting. This then detracts from their effectiveness as parents.
Good parenting courses address this very issue, hopefully help to dispel the myth of the 'perfect parent', and help parents build confidence in their own entitlement to parent and their own inherent abilities. Parenting involves a relationship between two people - and as we know human relationships at any level are influenced by temperament, circumstances, family background and the fact that we are all flawed and sinful, both adults and children.
This blog is a place where parenting can be discussed openly and honestly, where we can share experiences and ideas and where we can grapple as Christians with one of the most important responsibilities we will ever have. Let's talk!
