We have had a happy week in our household - our "baby" (21yrs old!) got engaged at the weekend to the young man she has been dating for over 2 years. We are delighted - they are a wonderful couple.
What has been interesting has been people's response to the news. The first response is "congratulations", then "how old is she?". When I say "21", I get two different responses. The first one is "ooooohhhh, she's very young. How do you feel about her getting engaged at that age" and the second "Right. How long have they known each other?" I am aware that neither of those questions was asked when our elder daughter got engaged when she was 26.
Since I got engaged in Year 12 and am still happily married over 35 years later, I reply that I really don't have a leg to stand on concerning early engagements and marriages.
But it leaves me pondering the question - what are people's concerns about what seem like "young to us these days" engagements and marriages?
One of the people asking me was concerned whether she had had time to spread her wings, experience life and how could she be sure that this was the right person. Another was worrying about whether she could concentrate on finishing her studies when she was married. Another was asking about the maturity of her fiancé.
She hasn't asked me for any direct wise counsel! Would you do that when your Mum is a counsellor?
So what would I have said, if she had?
"¢ Choosing to "commit" to one person for a lifelong relationship is a big step!
"¢ A certain amount of personal maturity is required, but
"¢ There is still much maturing to be done at 21.
"¢ Praying and feeling a peace that you are acting in God's will is important
"¢ Have they considered what being married will mean in terms of commitment to each other and whether they are going to have to curtail any long held dreams? What will it be like to give up those dreams?
"¢ How well do they know the person? Do they like them as well as feel "in love" with them?
"¢ Are there major things about the person that they hope will change when they get married? If yes, that may be a problem.
"¢ That there will times of adjustment required - to marriage and to each other as they change and their life changes. They just need to be ready to do that.
"¢ Don't get married just to have sex/so they can run a mixed Bible study/because they are frightened they won't find anyone else.
"¢ Do some good marriage preparation.
So yes, 21 is young. According the research, male brains are not fully mature until about 28: female brains somewhat younger. They are going to have to live through those changes. But life is full of change that needs to be dealt with and accommodated. The vows of the traditional wedding ceremony encompass the idea of being committed to the other through all the changes that life can throw at them.
So we will be praying for them, as we do for all our children. But we are not concerned. Do you think we should be?
