We all know it but it bears repeating - kids don't do well when their parents fight.
Young children may blame themselves or worry so much that it affects their school work and their relationships with their friends. Older children may take sides with one parent and adopt the behaviour of the parent they sympathise with most, either becoming aggressive with their peers or withdrawn and passive. Adolescents just want to keep out of the way and often spend much more time away from the house. Generally the impact on everyone is negative with feelings of depression or anxiety beginning to appear, hostile or aggressive behaviour and/or a cold, critical atmosphere in the home.
Of course disagreements are normal. You, as parents, model to your children how to negotiate your differences. In Raising a Loving Family, Scott, Doub and Runnels, write:
"If (children) watch their parents go through the process of getting tense with each other, acknowledging each other's differences, and then resolving the issue again and again, without damaging their relationship, (children will) learn how to speak up, listen, and negotiate differences in their own conflicts."
They also suggest that one of the traps for parents is putting your relationship on hold once you have children. It's vital that you find time to nurture your relationship as a couple so that you can sustain it through the difficult years of child rearing.
My husband and I are running The Marriage Course at our church at the moment. The homework for couples always includes 'Marriage Time' i.e. at least two hours of uninterrupted time together each week not in front of the television or the computer. This time provides an opportunity to engage with each other and enjoy one another's company. Nicky and Sila Lee who present the course on DVD give the example of a woman who gave birth to septuplets who commented that unless she and her husband were able to continue having a couple of hours out with each other on Friday evenings every week, they would not be able to survive their very demanding life together with their seven toddlers! Paradoxical isn't it? That couple need to take time out to better cope with less time to do their parenting! But it works. Kids whose parents communicate with each other regularly on more than a superficial level, and who have fun together are much better prepared to make it through the sleepness nights, the mess and general mayhem of raising kids.
I guess it's similar to taking time to spend each day with God in prayer and meditation on His word. As we walk closely with Jesus as our Lord, we can better manage the stresses and strains of daily life. In a busy life, daily devotions can easily get squeezed out. We need first of all to spend time with God and then arrange Marriage Time with our spouse!
