A question was posed on my blog a few weeks ago about how to end a friendship. As I thought about that, it led me to thinking about the rights and wrongs of ending friendships - if as Christians we are to love our neighbour and to love one another, on what basis can we decide that we need to end a friendship?

Adding to the complexity, in this era of social networking sites, is the question of who or what is a friend? The overused response to a "friend request" on Facebook of, "I thought we were friends already?" shows how what we used to think of as friends is shifting in this online age. The nature of online friends, where contact may be limited to receiving their latest "status updates" is a world away from the sort of friendship alluded to in Albert Camus' quote:

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow
don't walk behind me, I may not lead
Just walk beside me and be my friend."

Whilst friendships may be seen as a luxury of the modern age where we have time and energy to devote to activities that extend beyond mere survival skills of getting a roof over our heads, or putting food on the table, there are numerous references to friendships in scripture. Job's friends sat in the dirt with him for seven days and nights to comfort and empathise with him in his distress (Job 1:11-13).

That care aside, are there circumstances under which we can either set limits to a friendship, or even end it all together? The setting of personal boundaries with others is recognised as beneficial for personal psychological health, but it also assists in teaching others as to what is, and what is not, acceptable behaviours in social settings. In Proverbs 27: 6 & 9 we are counselled:

6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.

So, we can expect and value honest words from a friend.

But learning how to tell a friend that they are impinging on our personal boundaries in a way that they will not react defensively is often quite tricky. There are ways to open a request for a change. They include expressing our thoughts using an "I" statement, where we talk about observed facts in non-blaming language, followed by stating our feelings or reactions to those facts. 

But if we don't get any response to this invitation for change - can we end the friendship then? That is the hard question...