The years from 14 until the early twenties are for moving into the adult world, for separating from parents.

From the age of about fourteen boys are grappling with their emerging manhood. Around age fourteen testosterone levels in boys increase by 800%.(Raising Boys, S. Biddulph, p.20) Boys may become a little argumentative, restless and moody. The changes in their bodies are happening at a very fast rate, so they will need more sleep. Many parents comment on the adolescent 'grunt' so characteristic of boys in this age group as they experience a lack of communication with their sons. It's hard to find out what is going on in their world. Conversations with sons in this age group are best had whilst driving or doing an activity together, not face to face. Side by side works best. 

Adolescent boys become more engaged in the wider community with adult mentors coming to the fore. Fathers and sons at this stage often have clashes as the boy wants to shake off the shackles of his early childhood and he is beginning to look outside the family to other male role models who possibly have traits lacking in his father. This is a time when a son develops a life which is quite separate from the family.

Parents need to continue to be very watchful about the activities and safety of their sons, but they also need to start easing back. Boys will have teachers in high school that parents won't know, they will have friends that parents don't meet, experiences that parents probably won't know about. Boys will want their own space. 

One man said to me 'Boys want to grow beyond their fathers, to prove themselves to him.' 

Boys like rules. They are interested in who is boss and how to operate within the system and how to use the system. They function best when there are some rules and guidelines. They are interested in hierarchies and who is 'top dog'. Many like playing sport together, watching sport together, talking about music, cars or any other common interests as well as their challenges at school and boasting about their achievements. 

The peer group becomes extremely important to boys in their adolescent years. Intelligent guys may choose to deliberately fail exams because they don't want to be seen as different.  With male friends, boys engage in sledging, one upmanship, a competitive spirit but they are also loyal and protective of friends. They can exhibit mateship and tenacity. Like Jonathon and David (1 Samuel ) they can feel deep brotherly love. Boys and men are capable of deep friendships with other men. Some guys are scared of these strong emotions because of homosexual connotations and male friends may never know how much they mean to each other. 

I know that all of the above are generalisations, and as a woman I feel on the back foot writing about boys and their relationships with other boys and men. Can male readers perhaps enlighten all of us about the characteristics of male friendships and in particular the benefits of deep friendships between Christian boys and men and how these are expressed. I know a group of three men who regularly pray together in a prayer triplet. I'm sure this activity helps them to express their fears and vulnerabilities as well as their thankfulness to God and to each other in ways that are not possible in everyday conversations. What do you think?