It's been a difficult few weeks for facebook.
The news story of 18 year old Nona Belomesoff who was found dead after going to meet two men she 'met' online was every parents' nightmare for children obsessed by social networking. Close on the heels of this tragedy, facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has faced a series of complaints about changes to the privacy settings on members' accounts. Thankfully the pressure has led to changes at facebook with new simplified privacy settings to be rolled out in the next couple of weeks.
Welcome though those changes are, I've spoken with a number of parents who have either decided to not let their children have a social networking presence or who are considering whether they need to turn off their childrens' existing accounts. As an avid facebook user myself I'm not one to suggest pulling the pin. However I do think there's a crying need for some teaching in social networking wisdom.
The difference between skill and wisdom is important: most young people have lots of skill when it comes to finding their way around facebook or the various other vehicles of social networking. But knowing how to do it isn't the same as knowing the wisest way to do it.
Remember that in the end things like facebook, myspace, twitter are just different technologies of communication in essence no different to letter writing or the telephone. Letters can be used for the most wonderful exchanges of human life and can also be used to leave a ransom note for a kidnapped child. You can use a telephone to share good news or to make prank calls to random numbers at midnight. Similarly a teenager could become so obsessed with writing letters or making phone-calls that they never emerge from the confines of their bedroom, or they can use these technologies to fill in the gaps between being face-to-face.
As with any communication technology learning how to use it has to be accompanied with learning how to use it wisely.
In the hope of drawing on the collective wisdom of those who frequent this particular communication technology which is the sydneyanglicans blog forums, here's 10 commandments for social networking wisdom for teenagers (written by me with input from various facebook friends!):
1. Don't 'friend' anyone who you don't already know face-to-face. You might possibly want to expand this to people that your friends know face-to-face, afterall, social networking is about growing your networks. But just because someone is asking to become your friend doesn't mean you have to say yes to them.
2. If someone is making comments that you find offensive or upsetting then either hide them from your newsfeed or 'de-friend' them.
3. Don't arrange to meet anyone you've contacted only through social networking in any non-public location without anyone else with you. Ever.
4. Don't put personal contact information such as your address or mobile phone number online. If your 'real friends' need to contact your or visit you then give them your details in person. Don't put your full date of birth on your profile - your dob is often used for proof of identity over the phone, perfect for identity thieves (thanks Su)
5. Keep your privacy settings up to date. Unfortunately, at least in the case of facebook in the past, this hasn't been a 'set and forget' type of task. Regularly check your privacy settings. [url=http://www.reclaimprivacy.org/]http://www.reclaimprivacy.org/[/url] has a useful facebook privacy scanning utility.
6. Don't write anything online that you wouldn't want the world to read - so think about whether you'd be happy for whatever you're about to post to be broadcast to everyone in the world, or think about whether you'd be happy for your grandmother to see what you've just posted (because she's probably one of your friends anyway.)
7. Don't imagine that the 'online you' is different to the 'real you'. You can't write, photograph or video something for all to see and expect that it won't be viewed as a representation of the 'real you.' (thanks Graham B)
8. Don't let anyone else know your username and password, and make sure you log-off before quitting your browser. And don't hack someone else's account even if they've forgotten to log-off. (mea culpa - I know it's been fun to change my niece's status update to say, "Just sitting here thinking how wonderful my uncle is"; but now I think of it, there's enormous potential for relationship stress from this sort of thing on those days when it all goes wrong. So my resolve from now on is to just quietly log off for them; and encourage others to do the same.)
9. Don't attempt to resolve conflicts online. Don't break up with someone in a status update. Don't propose by email. I.e. don't forget that life is best lived face-to-face and some interactions are too important to not do in person.
10. Don't forget that there are other forms of communication technology available to use - go old-school one day and write a letter; if your instant chat conversation has gone beyond three lines pick up the phone and speak to them in person (and if you can't do this because you're in class or church then log off and speak to them later!); and if your friend does make you ROTFL then why not arrange to meet them face-to-face and LOL together.
banner illustration courtesy LIFE
