I was converted at four years of age, during family devotions. 

I still remember that sickening conviction of sin as I recognised that I was rejecting Jesus as He held out his arms of love to me from the cross, and needed to ask his forgiveness. 

I grew up as a minister's daughter, and became a Crusader leader, vice-president of Sydney University Evangelical Union, and finally wife of a Moore College student" Then, in the year after we finished college, my marriage broke up. My world was shattered.

In the first few months after our separation, I felt so scared about going to church that a male friend and his wife offered to escort me there and fend off any unhelpful encounters.

Even as my confidence grew, the experience at conferences of providing explanation after explanation about the divorce was very intense.

Encountering hesitation, awkwardness, and constant questions about whether I was still going to church ate away at my sense of belonging to God's family.  I felt more comfortable hanging out with my non-Christian friends.

I was sensitive to attitudes underlying "divorce talk' around me; perhaps over-sensitive.  Most painful was the feeling of being judged. 

By its very nature, judgement communicates a message that people think that we divorcees are "sinners' and that others in the church are not. This hurts! 

I heard requests for an explanation about who was "at fault' in my marriage breakdown as a demand to defend my "respectability' " to demonstrate my innocence. This was unhelpful because it encouraged in me a spirit of self-justification rather than dependence on grace.

It was in knowing my own need for forgiveness that I was humbled and enabled to forgive. 
We have all sinned and fall short of our marriage vows to love well. Both partners in a marriage depend on each other for forgiveness. Neither is innocent.

I thank God for this experience. I now realise that I was tempted to put my confidence in the "flesh', rather than trusting fully in Christ's righteousness in which I stand (see Philippians 3:4-10).

I now know clearly that I am free from condemnation, and with joy drink more deeply from the wells of salvation.