Some colleagues at ANGLICARE Sydney have volunteered to share their wisdom on parenting practices, so I asked Jill Wrathall, Regional Manager of South East / Inner West Community Care and mother of five adult children to tell us what she thinks about using corporal punishment to discipline children.
Here are Jill's musings as she looks back at how she raised her own children:
"There are those who hold to the saying "spare the rod and spoil the child" (a saying based on Proverbs 13:24) to justify smacking. Others feel that physical punishment gives the child a confusing message that hitting is acceptable.
"I have a clear memory of my first child aged about three who was doing something wrong. I lifted my hand to smack him. As I delivered it, I ended up swerving my hand away from him and whacking the bean bag that he was sitting in. I recognised that at that moment it was my anger and frustration that led me to want to hit him. It was nothing to do with teaching him something. I felt a great release of my own tension as I hit the bean bag. He looked at me, realising the smack was meant for him. I believe it was a moment of mutual understanding and growth in our relationship, marked by respect. He knew he had done wrong. He knew I was not happy. He knew he deserved some kind of consequence for his behaviour. He was lucky to avoid being smacked. He respected my authority and my disappointment with his behaviour. I'm not sure why my hand went to the beanbag but I'm so glad it did. We actually both ended up laughing which I think expressed our mutual understanding. I think this actually cured me of the need to smack as I realised it was more about me than teaching him anything.
"My understanding of "spare the rod" is that the rod was used by shepherds to guide their sheep and keep them in line. If one of them strayed, the rod was used to firmly bring them back to where he wanted them to be. A young child touching something dangerous e.g. a power point warrants a quick, firm tap on the back of the hand, clearly indicating "No!"
"Some children would be devastated if their parent smacked them. A glowering look might be enough for them to deeply regret their misbehaviour. For others, a smack might bring the response 'that didn't even hurt' which is a clear indication of the ineffectiveness of smacking.
"There are some behaviours which might be best ignored as drawing attention to them can actually reinforce the behaviour. However, sometimes a meaningful consequence is needed.
"For most instances, 'time out' or a consequence that means something significant to that child is what is needed e.g. an earlier bedtime tonight or missing out on a favourite TV show. Punishments like being grounded for two weeks are unhelpful as they don't actually teach anything and they can actually build resentment."
In a presentation in December 2008, Associate Professor Judy Cashmore, who has published widely on children's welfare issues, noted that research has indicated that corporal punishment is effective in promoting short term behaviour compliance, (particularly when the parent is present) but much less effective in promoting the long term internalisation of values.
Some Christians will be strongly opposed to corporal punishment, others will be strongly in favour. Well-known American pastor John Piper has even said he would willingly go to jail if it became illegal to spank his children.
For Christian parents the evidence from research, their own childhood experience, their intuitive thinking about what is best for their child and their child's own disposition and their personality all come together as factors to consider and grapple with.
What has or hasn't worked in your family and how do you understand Proverbs 13:24?
